I just saw that I've had 1,131 views of my blog! Seriously?? haha! Well, that's good. I was thinking maybe there had been 20, 18 of which are me coming to see if there are any comments. I know - I don't need to do that because I also get an email when someone comments, but you know… just checking. The truth is though, I'm not so concerned with whether people actually read this or not. It's just kinda therapeutic to write sometimes, because I'm a verbal processor - ha!! I'm sure other bloggers will agree. So, if you're one of the 1,131 views on here, thanks! I had no idea you were out there. :)
It's Christmas time, and as you saw by the last blog entry I posted, my shared blog post from Jamie TVWM, you'll know that I too have had a hard time getting myself into the Christmas spirit this year. I shouldn't be having SO much trouble, since it's been so rainy and cold-ish here lately. Summer is definitely NOT here - YET. I believe with all the faith in me that it's coming though! And then, as normal, after about a month of awesome weather I'll be begging for some rain and cold again. Such is life. My tree looks great though, and smells GREAT every day, so that helps. That - and the few little things I have put out that I have traveled with now for years. You can't haul around much when you've been as transient as I have been the last 14 years… but there are a couple of significant things that make their way to wherever I am at Christmas. That - and the entire month of December nothing else gets played in my car but Christmas music. It's a rule.
As I sat last night with just the Christmas tree lights on thinking about things… I couldn't seem to get away from the fact that I have so much when others have so little. I am truly incredibly blessed to live where I live, do what I do, and to have the ability to fight for those who are trapped in modern-day slavery. I still REALLY struggle with Christmas and our ridiculous obsession with STUFF. Last year I opted out, and encouraged all my friends to do the same. I asked them to buy something for a needy child instead of for me… and we all did just that instead of giving to each other, who already have MORE than we could possibly ever NEED. It was fun! So this year… I was kind of waiting to see if they wanted to do that again - but no one mentioned it. I had to wonder whether it really made an impact on them at all…? I want to believe it did, even though it seems everyone is "back to normal" this year. I'm not "back to normal" though… doubt I ever will be again. You just can't go back after having seen what I've seen around the world… and working in the area of human trafficking… it's impossible to ever be "normal" again. And I'm really good with that! I honestly wouldn't go back for anything.
But I do have a dilema… what to do with Christmas. I guess I'm still struggling with buying presents for my friends and family who really don't NEED anything. It's not that I don't love them and want to express that… but is that what Christmas should be about?? US??? I don't think so… yet it's hard, because talk about being saturated, brainwashed, trained, conditioned, whatever you want to call it -- that we HAVE to get each other presents for Christmas. UGH. I did buy some stuff this year… but not much. I just couldn't. And it's not about love… it's not even about money so much… it's about that niggling part of my heart that just simply won't let me go there. Is that okay?? I don't know. All I know is I can't get away from it.
What do you think about Christmas? DO you think about Christmas?? What do you think Jesus thinks about Christmas…?? I wonder if he's sad at how we've twisted it into being about us. Yeah, we might read the Christmas story, or have a nativity set up somewhere… but if we're honest… I'm pretty sure most of us spend more time worrying we won't get all our shopping done on time - rather than worrying we won't spend enough time honoring Jesus on his birthday. I spent a LOT of years guilty as charged on that one.
I want to continue to be ruined for the "normal" stuff of life… the "normal" way we celebrate Christmas. I want it to be different. I want it to be about people who don't have a clue what the love of God looks like. My friends and family KNOW I love them. If they doubt that because they don't get enough Christmas presents from me… then there's a lot more wrong with our relationship than a lack of presents. The great part is - they're not like that, so it's not a worry for me… but for some it is! How can we show people this Christmas how much God loves them… that he sent his son to be born in a manger… to live a sinless life so he could give his life for us and pay for the sins of mankind once and for all… that the gift of LIFE is what he offers… life after this one is over… when REAL life begins??!!
Next Christmas I will once again be blowing my "don't spend money on me" horn, and encouraging my people to do the same. When I think about doing that… I breathe a sigh of relief. It's right. It's good. And I'm pretty sure it's what Jesus would be doing if he were here in the flesh on his birthday. Anybody wanna join that party?? :)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Re-Posting from "Jamie The Very Worst Missionary"
One of the blogs I follow is "Jamie The Very Worst Missionary". She and her family live in Costa Rica. She continually cracks me up, speaks the truth most of us don't dare say out loud (sometimes with colorful expletives, but always REAL) and this one in particular I thought was great! I can so relate to struggling with Christmas in a HOT climate, having grown up in Hawaii and now living in NZ where Christmas happens in the summer and the only sleigh bells I hear are in the Christmas music that is continually pumping in my car from Dec 1st to the 26th. It's the ONLY thing that makes me feel at all "Christmasy" around here. Even the decorations in town and in the shops look… weird. Anyway, enough from me! Enjoy Jamie!! :)
John is a story teller of a different sort. The only way to describe him is simply to say that he picks perfect words. He chooses the kind of words that breath new life into old stories, and his tender retelling of the Christmas story is no different.
I just needed a little reminder that the story of Jesus wasn't built around tradition, it was built aroundpeople. Real people. Living, breathing, messy people. People who may have occasionally lost sight of the importance of what was happening in their lives, but still had a role in the story.
Don't get me wrong, I will always believe that tradition is lovely and valuable. And I think there's space for Christmas trees and Santa Claus and gift giving and eggnog and eating candycanes for dinner on Christmas Eve and again for breakfast on Christmas morning (What? You don't do that?!). And I cherish the way my kids say, “Remember that time...” and then we laugh about that one time when we crammed a 20 foot tree in our teeny-tiny house, or that other time when we spent hours making a popcorn garland and then we ate it.
But I'm learning that the oldest and richest traditions of Christmas are found, not in how we hang the stockings, bit in what we bring to the table as we seek Him, year after year. It's how we chase down the star that beckons us in the night, how we bring our gifts to the alter of a baby King, how we look for the path that God would have us traverse and then choose that path above all others. It's found in how we share the story of Jesus arrival with our children and our grandchildren... Even if it is under the twinkling lights of a juniper bush on an 80° day in December. ;)
Mele Kalikimaka and all that crap.
As I write this, at 8 am, the sun is slipping across my desk through the slats in my bamboo shades. Barefoot and barely dressed, I'm sipping lukewarm coffee and wishing for a breeze to come and stir the air a bit. It's muggy.
My kids are off at noon every day this week, anxiously counting down until Friday, when summervacation begins. Of course, the end of this count-down signals the beginning of the next; “How many days 'til Christmas, Mom?” And I have to remind myself that, Oh yeah, it's Christmastime – which explains the six foot juniper, all bedazzled in the living room.
I don't wanna sound like a total b...erm, I mean...a total grinch, but I'm having a tough time getting in the mood for Holiday festivities. Christmas in the tropics is just too weird. The other day it was super sunny and windy, and I ran into a Costa Rican friend, who said, with a grin, “Doesn't it feel just like Christmas?!”
Squinting into the hot sun, I bitterly quipped, “Oh, yeah, just like Christmas. Mele Kalikimaka and all that crap.”
It's just that, until we moved to Costa Rica, I spent my whole life welcoming December with the cold, crisp air of Northern California filling my lungs, and with morning fog, and steaming breath, and a frozen, maraschino cherry of a nose. Where picking out a Christmas tree meant driving up to the snowy foothills and tromping through the forrest with pine needles stuck in your hair. It meant finding the perfect blue spruce and cutting it down with a hacksaw and coming home with your hands all sticky from sap. – Not pulling up to a dirt lot behind an old abandoned banana factory and sweating through your bra while a kid with a shovel digs up a juniper bush trimmed in the familiar cone shape of a Christmas tree.
Of course, I'm trying to remain impartial.
I'm trying to remember that there are a gajillion different ways to enjoy the holidays. And I'm trying to remember that experiencing the traditions of another culture is a gift, a rich blessing – one that shouldn't be blown off with a flippant (and, oh-so-North-American), “That's not how we do it.” But this morning one of the sparkly baubles adorning our Christmas shrub popped off and went skittering across the ceramic floor to hide under the couch. It was so obvious that the holiday was taunting me - “Your tree sucks so bad, even the ornaments want nothing to do with it.”
Instead of taking my tree out back and setting it on fire, I poured some eggnog in my coffee and went to my room to find a book. It was a gift from my friend, John Blase. He sent it to me last year, and I knew this morning that it was time to read it again...
Last year, we had gone to the states in December, and I was super stoked because I wanted my kind of Christmas. Ya know? With that chill in the air and the yummy piney Christmas tree scent. But when we got there, instead of feeling all happy and nostalgic, I felt depressed and displaced. I can't exactly say why, and I'll spare you the boring details, but let's just say it was baaaad. Christmas came and went, and all I could think of was getting back on a plane, back to Costa Rica, back to normal life. Then, one day toward the end of the trip, when I was feeling particularly sad and self-absorbed, I picked up John's little book and locked myself in the bathroom where I read it from cover to cover.
John is a story teller of a different sort. The only way to describe him is simply to say that he picks perfect words. He chooses the kind of words that breath new life into old stories, and his tender retelling of the Christmas story is no different.
Not gonna lie, the title, Touching Wonder, makes me chuckle as it conjures some truly sophomoric jokes - but I'm just stupid like that. It's the subtitle,Recapturing the Awe of Christmas, that really sings to me. And, last year, when I read this book on the toilet (lid closed, thankyouverymuch!), that's exactly what it helped me do.
I just needed a little reminder that the story of Jesus wasn't built around tradition, it was built aroundpeople. Real people. Living, breathing, messy people. People who may have occasionally lost sight of the importance of what was happening in their lives, but still had a role in the story.
Don't get me wrong, I will always believe that tradition is lovely and valuable. And I think there's space for Christmas trees and Santa Claus and gift giving and eggnog and eating candycanes for dinner on Christmas Eve and again for breakfast on Christmas morning (What? You don't do that?!). And I cherish the way my kids say, “Remember that time...” and then we laugh about that one time when we crammed a 20 foot tree in our teeny-tiny house, or that other time when we spent hours making a popcorn garland and then we ate it.
But I'm learning that the oldest and richest traditions of Christmas are found, not in how we hang the stockings, bit in what we bring to the table as we seek Him, year after year. It's how we chase down the star that beckons us in the night, how we bring our gifts to the alter of a baby King, how we look for the path that God would have us traverse and then choose that path above all others. It's found in how we share the story of Jesus arrival with our children and our grandchildren... Even if it is under the twinkling lights of a juniper bush on an 80° day in December. ;)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
About the whole "sleeping with your brother" thing…
Okay, so I'm not going to write EVERY DAY, but I thought perhaps it was necessary to at least explain the "sleeping with your brother" ponder I had a while back before too much time elapses from my last post. Hope that is okay. If it isn't okay - well - I'm pretty sure there isn't a gun to your head MAKING you read this. :) For those of you brave enough to continue… here we go! (Don't worry - it's not going to be a long explanation)
So… you know how sometimes you read things in the Bible and then kind of go - wait, what? Well, this wasn't exactly one of THOSE times, but I was thinking about the Bible… Old Testament… and it occurred to me that there had to have been a time where God finally said to everyone - "Okay. I just need you to know that it is now NOT okay to sleep with your brother/sister in order to populate the earth." One day it WAS okay… the next day (whenever that day was) it was NOT. So I was wondering how/when that happened? Was it weird? How can it (one day) not be weird, and then (the next day) be weird? hmm. Did brothers and sisters have to fight hard to not have feelings for each other "like that"? Or did they just decide that one of their cousins was way more attractive? hmm. It's on my list of "things to ask God about when I see him face to face." I know what you're thinking too - "That will SO not be on your mind at that moment!" Oh yeah?? Well, yes. You are probably right. Not in that first moment of being eye to eye with Him. But… I have all eternity and you can bet it WILL come up in conversation at some stage.
Yes. I know. I warned you… this blog is me. Allllll me. The good and bad, deep and shallow. "I am, I said… to no one there..." hahaha! Sorry… random Neil Diamond song just came flying through the grey matter. Hopefully you ARE there and will even choose to come back for more. That would be very cool.
Oh - and would LOVE to hear your thoughts about this particular topic. Have YOU ever thought about it??
So… you know how sometimes you read things in the Bible and then kind of go - wait, what? Well, this wasn't exactly one of THOSE times, but I was thinking about the Bible… Old Testament… and it occurred to me that there had to have been a time where God finally said to everyone - "Okay. I just need you to know that it is now NOT okay to sleep with your brother/sister in order to populate the earth." One day it WAS okay… the next day (whenever that day was) it was NOT. So I was wondering how/when that happened? Was it weird? How can it (one day) not be weird, and then (the next day) be weird? hmm. Did brothers and sisters have to fight hard to not have feelings for each other "like that"? Or did they just decide that one of their cousins was way more attractive? hmm. It's on my list of "things to ask God about when I see him face to face." I know what you're thinking too - "That will SO not be on your mind at that moment!" Oh yeah?? Well, yes. You are probably right. Not in that first moment of being eye to eye with Him. But… I have all eternity and you can bet it WILL come up in conversation at some stage.
Yes. I know. I warned you… this blog is me. Allllll me. The good and bad, deep and shallow. "I am, I said… to no one there..." hahaha! Sorry… random Neil Diamond song just came flying through the grey matter. Hopefully you ARE there and will even choose to come back for more. That would be very cool.
Oh - and would LOVE to hear your thoughts about this particular topic. Have YOU ever thought about it??
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I'm baaaaack!
Hey blog world! So I've made a decision. I am sending monthly newsletters out to those who are interested… mainly covering work stuff and whatever happens to be going on in that arena… but it's not the place where I can just talk about whatever is on my mind. I was thinking about some great blogs that I read often, and thought - yeah! I want to be doing more of that. They are all so real and honest and thought-provoking, and pretty much make my day whenever there's a new post, so thought I'd give it a whirl and see what comes of it.
I'm planning on just shooting from the hip on this one. It might make you uncomfortable - in a good way hopefully - but it's going to be real. There are things that I think we all need to think about… why we do what we do… and sometimes that means asking the hard questions. The ones that you fully would have gotten in trouble for if you dared ask in church or even sometimes at home. So how does that sound? Will you come with me on a little journey of thought-provoking drivel? It won't always be that deep… but it will be things I am pondering I guess, which honestly, are sometimes shallow and stupid. For example, I have spent a bit of time wondering when it became NOT okay to sleep with your brother…?? It WAS okay for a good long while - obviously. Stuff like that. (*example of the shallow, stupid things that wander through my mind unannounced at times.)
Whether or not you come back… I'll be here. :) I'd love to hear from you though - because dialog is way more important than just talking to myself. So if you have something to say - please feel free! The only way your comments will NOT get posted is if you are abusive. No one needs to hear that junk. Other than that though… I'd love to hear what you think!
The thing is… I don't know if you can even comment on here if you don't have a blog yourself - and that's lame. So if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can do this more effectively so more people can jump in on the discussion - let me know, k? Thanks!
OH! I just saw where you can subscribe so you get my updates on here straight to your email - now there's an idea! So give that a whirl if you want. Looking forward to some good processing… and hopefully won't lose any of my ministry supporters along the way! haha
Right now… I need to go do some work. Back atcha lata! Have a great day. x
I'm planning on just shooting from the hip on this one. It might make you uncomfortable - in a good way hopefully - but it's going to be real. There are things that I think we all need to think about… why we do what we do… and sometimes that means asking the hard questions. The ones that you fully would have gotten in trouble for if you dared ask in church or even sometimes at home. So how does that sound? Will you come with me on a little journey of thought-provoking drivel? It won't always be that deep… but it will be things I am pondering I guess, which honestly, are sometimes shallow and stupid. For example, I have spent a bit of time wondering when it became NOT okay to sleep with your brother…?? It WAS okay for a good long while - obviously. Stuff like that. (*example of the shallow, stupid things that wander through my mind unannounced at times.)
Whether or not you come back… I'll be here. :) I'd love to hear from you though - because dialog is way more important than just talking to myself. So if you have something to say - please feel free! The only way your comments will NOT get posted is if you are abusive. No one needs to hear that junk. Other than that though… I'd love to hear what you think!
The thing is… I don't know if you can even comment on here if you don't have a blog yourself - and that's lame. So if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can do this more effectively so more people can jump in on the discussion - let me know, k? Thanks!
OH! I just saw where you can subscribe so you get my updates on here straight to your email - now there's an idea! So give that a whirl if you want. Looking forward to some good processing… and hopefully won't lose any of my ministry supporters along the way! haha
Right now… I need to go do some work. Back atcha lata! Have a great day. x
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Hotties… and SIN
Where I'm from they call hot water bottles "hotties". Knowing that may make you realize I'm not talking about really good looking men. But… hot water bottles… and SIN?? Yeah.
So a few weeks ago I was FREEZING and got my hottie all ready to take to bed with me (sheesh, that just sounds bad!) but couldn't find the cover. Not a problem I thought! I went to sleep hugging that bottle like it was the only thing keeping me alive! haha It was sooooo nice and warm, in fact, so warm that I had to keep changing it up and moving it around cuz it was actually TOO warm. Man it was nice though, and in no time, I was fast asleep.
I got up the next day, went to take a shower and noticed I had blisters on my stomach! Full on, sticking out, burn blisters! "What the?!" was my initial response. And then I remembered… my hottie. Ugh. But I didn't feel it burning me, and it must have been sitting on my skin for a while to give me blisters like that. But honestly - I did not feel a thing all night long! Slept like a baby actually (without all the waking up and screaming for food that is common to babies). I'm pretty sure that's why you're supposed to have a cover for the hottie. Apparently when you're sleeping, the burning happens slowly over a long period of time, and you never know. WEIRD.
I got to thinking about sin, and how sin is like a hottie = All nice and cozy to begin with, feeling like you just can't live without it, comforting… but in the "morning" or whenever the sin is finished, you have full-fledged blisters on your heart and soul. And you didn't even feel them forming. Those blisters, as the ones on my stomach, take time to heal. And depending on the depth of the sin and the depth of the burns… there may be some serious scars left behind. Wow. It's so true!
So remember that the next time the enemy tries to taunt you into doing something you know you shouldn't. Remember the hottie. Remember the scars. And remember that you won't feel the burning until it's too late.
I just noticed this morning, probably about 3 weeks after the hottie incident, that I still have a mark from one of the blisters. Hmmm. Really need to find that cover!!
So a few weeks ago I was FREEZING and got my hottie all ready to take to bed with me (sheesh, that just sounds bad!) but couldn't find the cover. Not a problem I thought! I went to sleep hugging that bottle like it was the only thing keeping me alive! haha It was sooooo nice and warm, in fact, so warm that I had to keep changing it up and moving it around cuz it was actually TOO warm. Man it was nice though, and in no time, I was fast asleep.
I got up the next day, went to take a shower and noticed I had blisters on my stomach! Full on, sticking out, burn blisters! "What the?!" was my initial response. And then I remembered… my hottie. Ugh. But I didn't feel it burning me, and it must have been sitting on my skin for a while to give me blisters like that. But honestly - I did not feel a thing all night long! Slept like a baby actually (without all the waking up and screaming for food that is common to babies). I'm pretty sure that's why you're supposed to have a cover for the hottie. Apparently when you're sleeping, the burning happens slowly over a long period of time, and you never know. WEIRD.
I got to thinking about sin, and how sin is like a hottie = All nice and cozy to begin with, feeling like you just can't live without it, comforting… but in the "morning" or whenever the sin is finished, you have full-fledged blisters on your heart and soul. And you didn't even feel them forming. Those blisters, as the ones on my stomach, take time to heal. And depending on the depth of the sin and the depth of the burns… there may be some serious scars left behind. Wow. It's so true!
So remember that the next time the enemy tries to taunt you into doing something you know you shouldn't. Remember the hottie. Remember the scars. And remember that you won't feel the burning until it's too late.
I just noticed this morning, probably about 3 weeks after the hottie incident, that I still have a mark from one of the blisters. Hmmm. Really need to find that cover!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
It's just one of those… few months!
Life for me the last few months has been a practical application of the word "flexibility". Good thing I have that one firmly tucked under my belt - thanks YWAM - and so it hasn't exactly thrown me… but my neck is a little sore from all the whipping around! Here's an example: I have honestly tried to sit down and write a newsletter about 6 times since my last one - which was like in December or some crazy long time ago. For one reason or another it hasn't gotten written, and about two days after each attempt to write it, pretty much everything I was going to say I was doing fell apart, changed, or for whatever reason became non-existent. WEIRD. So I've been kinda glad I never actually wrote anything, or I would have had to turn around the next week and send a one liner that says, "I'm sorry. Disregard everything in the last newsletter, because it's not happening anymore". hmm. Maybe what I have perceived as a lack of motivation has actually been God's hand intervening, knowing this roller coaster I'm on will be taking some 360's I'm not expecting. I do know that He DOES KNOW, and that's really pretty comforting in the middle of the chaos!
I'm taking a few days to pray through all these changes though, so I can be sure I'm making wise decisions based on the things that have transpired. You know how at times you feel like you are in a car just sort of spinning out of control, and really what you need is a huge magnet that will come down and *SLAM* into the roof just to stop it so you can see straight for a minute? Yup. That would be nice right about now. I've decided to get out of the car all together and take a hike down to where I can sit on the grass by the river's edge completely distancing myself from the sounds of the other cars flying past me. I need some "still water", and some "restoring of my soul".
Hey - side note - I know I have told a few of you about this incredible new piece of history I learned at church a couple of Sundays ago, but let me tell the rest of you cuz it's way cool: Apparently the Jews in Bible times were hugely afraid of the water in a lake because they thought there were demonic forces that lived in the bottom of them. So being fishermen was a huge challenge for them! Think about what the implications of that fact have to do with these two stories: Peter walking on the water, and Psalm 23. What hit me most was the Psalm 23 part.
You know how we grow up believing that the "still waters" of Ps 23 are peaceful and calm? I was raised in a 7th Day Adventist school, and we had these Bible story books where all the pictures were sort of… soft and perfect. I always thought about it like that - Jesus sitting with me beside a beautiful stream with a few awesome trees and lots of green grass where we would lay on our backs and get lost pointing out cloud shapes… all in rather soft pastel colors. Yeah! That was the picture my whole life. Until now.
If the Jewish connotation of "still waters" was where demonic forces lived, then really, God is promising to lead us by our most terrifying fears… but promising also to restore our souls in the process. WOWSER!!! I don't know about you - but that rocked my world. No more laying there whistling through blades of grass without a care in the world! Here's the kicker though - my God has promised to not just walk with me past those terrifying things, but He is LEADING me beside them! All for the purpose of ultimately restoring my soul, healing my wounds, giving me the grace to face my fears, and strength to look my insecurities and anxieties straight in the eye… because restoration can only come once you see what it is that has ripped you off. Okay. So does that rock your world even a little bit?? Am I the only one??
Sorry - long side note. :)
Back to where I started… I don't know how all that is going on around me will resolve, but this I do know: I am NEVER alone. I have the mastermind of the universe giving me wisdom and direction and discernment. So if you have some time and would like to pray with me these next few days - that would be awesome! I am so convinced that I'm on the right path… and I believe that nothing is wasted in God, so I continue to say "bring it!" because all things DO work together for GOOD for those who love God and are called according to his purpose. And that's me. I love God, and I'm called. So yeah. Bring it. :)
And keep your eyes out for that newsletter. I'm pretty sure it's not all that far away.
I'm taking a few days to pray through all these changes though, so I can be sure I'm making wise decisions based on the things that have transpired. You know how at times you feel like you are in a car just sort of spinning out of control, and really what you need is a huge magnet that will come down and *SLAM* into the roof just to stop it so you can see straight for a minute? Yup. That would be nice right about now. I've decided to get out of the car all together and take a hike down to where I can sit on the grass by the river's edge completely distancing myself from the sounds of the other cars flying past me. I need some "still water", and some "restoring of my soul".
Hey - side note - I know I have told a few of you about this incredible new piece of history I learned at church a couple of Sundays ago, but let me tell the rest of you cuz it's way cool: Apparently the Jews in Bible times were hugely afraid of the water in a lake because they thought there were demonic forces that lived in the bottom of them. So being fishermen was a huge challenge for them! Think about what the implications of that fact have to do with these two stories: Peter walking on the water, and Psalm 23. What hit me most was the Psalm 23 part.
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| This is an example of a picture from the Bible Story Book |
If the Jewish connotation of "still waters" was where demonic forces lived, then really, God is promising to lead us by our most terrifying fears… but promising also to restore our souls in the process. WOWSER!!! I don't know about you - but that rocked my world. No more laying there whistling through blades of grass without a care in the world! Here's the kicker though - my God has promised to not just walk with me past those terrifying things, but He is LEADING me beside them! All for the purpose of ultimately restoring my soul, healing my wounds, giving me the grace to face my fears, and strength to look my insecurities and anxieties straight in the eye… because restoration can only come once you see what it is that has ripped you off. Okay. So does that rock your world even a little bit?? Am I the only one??
Sorry - long side note. :)
Back to where I started… I don't know how all that is going on around me will resolve, but this I do know: I am NEVER alone. I have the mastermind of the universe giving me wisdom and direction and discernment. So if you have some time and would like to pray with me these next few days - that would be awesome! I am so convinced that I'm on the right path… and I believe that nothing is wasted in God, so I continue to say "bring it!" because all things DO work together for GOOD for those who love God and are called according to his purpose. And that's me. I love God, and I'm called. So yeah. Bring it. :)
And keep your eyes out for that newsletter. I'm pretty sure it's not all that far away.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I've got to write something - N.O.W.
I was sitting here today stressed out because I am SO overdue in writing a newsletter. I've been stressed about that for weeks now. Here's the funny part - I have found that every missionary I know HATES writing newsletters. It's almost like "newsletter" has become a 4-letter word in missionary circles. I can be around other missionaries, and if they have a certain edge to their voice, or seem a bit distracted and grumpy I usually say, "In the middle of your newsletter?" And it's almost always followed by a somewhat exasperated and defeated, "Yes." So why is that?!
There is nothing more exciting to me than what I do in missions. This journey God has called me to is seriously THE BEST gig I have ever had in my life, and yet to have to sit down and creatively write about it is one of the hardest things to do! I love to talk about what God is doing, and how he has been directing my every step for the last 14+ years now. I love to tell people about his faithfulness and how I can't do a day of this without his help and guidance. I love to tell people about how it's hard work, but I wouldn't trade all I have seen, experienced, and the ways I have grown and deepened my walk with God, for anything "normal". I love to get others fired up about the God that I love, and the incredible, hands-down action packed life he's asked me to live - walking with me every step of the way. People have told me over the years how they are just in awe… amazed at how much I have "given up" to be in overseas missions. I always want to laugh at that, because honestly - I keep thinking someone is going to find out one of these days how much fun I have doing what I do, and how much I love it - and tell me I'm doing it wrong. I mean seriously - being a missionary is NOT supposed to be FUN - right?!
I knew once I agreed to be a missionary that one of the things I needed to do was go back to my home church, and hopefully one day others, and show them that giving up everything to follow Jesus is the coolest thing you could ever do! These are not the days of hair in a bun, no makeup, and isolation for years on end in the middle of a people group who would just as soon boil you for dinner, then listen to you try and communicate Jesus' love to them. The crazy thing is - the missionaries from back in that day have the stories that would make anyone want to stay home (unless, like me, you're a little crazy and think it all sounds like an amazing adventure!). It's just that for some weird reason they weren't allowed back then to tell those stories with anything other than a deadpan, expressionless face… minus any passion. It was hard. It was sacrifice. It was lonely. And anything other than that was… wrong. That was my perception growing up anyway, and the reason I felt the blood drain out of my face when all those years ago sitting on my deck in California I realized God wanted me to be in full-time overseas missions. THAT (the old missionary model) was NOT ME. Thankfully, God agreed. :)
Anyway, I thought today I would at least get something new up on my blog. It's been way too long. Even though the need for a newsletter is still stressing me out… I want you to know that God IS up to a whole lot with me here in New Zealand!! I DO have lots to tell you… but at the moment, I'm waiting for my new logo to be finished for the ministry I'm starting. As soon as that's finished, I will reveal what has been consuming my time the last few months. There's been a lot, and I'm hoping it will be worth the wait when you read all about it. Till then… you might have to endure a few more blog entries. They are so much easier in that I can just write honestly… and I'm not having to edit and put in photos and all that stuff. Ugh. Newsletters. A necessary evil I suppose - if I can say that without sounding weird.
Let me ask you something… What do you think about newsletters?? Do you like them? Are they helpful? Do they bore you to tears? Is it really worth the effort? hmm. Those are questions I ask myself regularly. Maybe you can throw in your two cents if you have a minute. Oh - but if you don't have a blog you can't answer here, but you CAN answer on FB when I post this! Or send me a personal message… whatever. It would be GREAT to hear from some of you. It'd be great to hear from ALL of you - but that's just completely unrealistic, so I thought I'd settle with some. Jump in and let me know what you think!
My bed is calling me now… so I'll come back another day and carry on with another slice of this journey. I have blog entries running in my head all the time. Maybe I need to just purpose to say something here more regularly. Whether people read it or not - !! hmm. Will work on that one.
There is nothing more exciting to me than what I do in missions. This journey God has called me to is seriously THE BEST gig I have ever had in my life, and yet to have to sit down and creatively write about it is one of the hardest things to do! I love to talk about what God is doing, and how he has been directing my every step for the last 14+ years now. I love to tell people about his faithfulness and how I can't do a day of this without his help and guidance. I love to tell people about how it's hard work, but I wouldn't trade all I have seen, experienced, and the ways I have grown and deepened my walk with God, for anything "normal". I love to get others fired up about the God that I love, and the incredible, hands-down action packed life he's asked me to live - walking with me every step of the way. People have told me over the years how they are just in awe… amazed at how much I have "given up" to be in overseas missions. I always want to laugh at that, because honestly - I keep thinking someone is going to find out one of these days how much fun I have doing what I do, and how much I love it - and tell me I'm doing it wrong. I mean seriously - being a missionary is NOT supposed to be FUN - right?!
I knew once I agreed to be a missionary that one of the things I needed to do was go back to my home church, and hopefully one day others, and show them that giving up everything to follow Jesus is the coolest thing you could ever do! These are not the days of hair in a bun, no makeup, and isolation for years on end in the middle of a people group who would just as soon boil you for dinner, then listen to you try and communicate Jesus' love to them. The crazy thing is - the missionaries from back in that day have the stories that would make anyone want to stay home (unless, like me, you're a little crazy and think it all sounds like an amazing adventure!). It's just that for some weird reason they weren't allowed back then to tell those stories with anything other than a deadpan, expressionless face… minus any passion. It was hard. It was sacrifice. It was lonely. And anything other than that was… wrong. That was my perception growing up anyway, and the reason I felt the blood drain out of my face when all those years ago sitting on my deck in California I realized God wanted me to be in full-time overseas missions. THAT (the old missionary model) was NOT ME. Thankfully, God agreed. :)
Anyway, I thought today I would at least get something new up on my blog. It's been way too long. Even though the need for a newsletter is still stressing me out… I want you to know that God IS up to a whole lot with me here in New Zealand!! I DO have lots to tell you… but at the moment, I'm waiting for my new logo to be finished for the ministry I'm starting. As soon as that's finished, I will reveal what has been consuming my time the last few months. There's been a lot, and I'm hoping it will be worth the wait when you read all about it. Till then… you might have to endure a few more blog entries. They are so much easier in that I can just write honestly… and I'm not having to edit and put in photos and all that stuff. Ugh. Newsletters. A necessary evil I suppose - if I can say that without sounding weird.
Let me ask you something… What do you think about newsletters?? Do you like them? Are they helpful? Do they bore you to tears? Is it really worth the effort? hmm. Those are questions I ask myself regularly. Maybe you can throw in your two cents if you have a minute. Oh - but if you don't have a blog you can't answer here, but you CAN answer on FB when I post this! Or send me a personal message… whatever. It would be GREAT to hear from some of you. It'd be great to hear from ALL of you - but that's just completely unrealistic, so I thought I'd settle with some. Jump in and let me know what you think!
My bed is calling me now… so I'll come back another day and carry on with another slice of this journey. I have blog entries running in my head all the time. Maybe I need to just purpose to say something here more regularly. Whether people read it or not - !! hmm. Will work on that one.
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