I don't know about you… but there are times in my life (one of which I am IN right now) where you have to take a good long soul-searching look at who you ARE. Not what you do, but who you really are as reflected in the eyes of Jesus. Has what I DO become intertwined in, or defining who I AM? I know it might be easy to say a quick "nope!" to that, because that IS the correct answer - but what do we really think in our minds and hearts? hmm.
Having been in transition for, really, the last 3 years or so, I have to keep reminding myself that GOD is the one running the show - not me. My great ideas usually aren't all that great, and I guess that's good, because then I know that any success I might have is HIS, not mine - no doubt about it. Right now I know I'm in the right place, and I know God is teaching me so much… but wow. It's HARD with a capitol H.A.R.D.
I had a Facebook status the other day that said "Jesus did most of his ministry on His way to somewhere else". How true is that?! If you really think about it, sometimes the destination is an anti-climax when you look at all He accomplished along the way. Crazy! I must admit, it seems that we have been trained and programed WRONG somehow - especially in ministry. We have it in our heads that being "still" means being "lazy", when the two are not even close to being the same thing. And that what we do equals who we are. And that somehow I am completely and totally responsible for my life or ministry being a "success" whatever that means! If it's not happening… I need to MAKE it happen.
It's real funny because in the church, or in overseas missions, there is an expectation that you should constantly be doing SOMETHING productive, something that produces the numbers, because it seems numbers are what we are concerned with and how we gauge success. "How many people have you led to the Lord this year?" "How is your ministry looking on a spread sheet of God things?" "How many miracles have you seen the Lord perform in your ministry?" "SHOW ME SOME TANGIBLE RESULTS!!!" Whether those questions are actually asked out loud or not - that's where people are at. That's what they want to hear. That's what keeps the support coming. But how in the world did we ever get to the point of making the determinations that the STATS are what GOD is interested in??? What does HE say is important… it's things like taking care of the least of these… looking after the poor and needy, widows and orphans. Giving a cold cup of water to someone who's really thirsty. Speaking up on behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves. Did they get "saved" when you handed them that cup of water? I don't know - maybe, maybe not. But that's not MY job, that's God's job to save them. I am only responsible to be obedient to what He asks me to do - and maybe that was just to give the cup of water and then walk away. But there's so much pressure to "make the sale" that we get all stressed out when it doesn't happen -- in our presence.
So here I am… kinda tired of being still to be honest. I want something I can sink my teeth into… something that people can look at and go - AH HA! Now she's really doing something! And the Lord keeps saying to me… LOOK AT ME. LOOK ME IN THE EYE. Don't worry about THEM. I am learning I need to quit fighting this place I'm in, and try to enjoy it and learn all I can, because it won't last forever. And I don't want to miss one special thing from the Lord during this time. HE is the one I am doing this for… to see HIS kingdom come to earth. He is the one I ultimately have to answer to, and if He needs some one-on-one time with me right now, then okay! I have to trust Him to take care of all my needs in that process.
Who am I? I'm not what I do. What I DO is merely walking out the Jesus in me. And here's the verse I am clinging to these days:
"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised." Hebrews 10:35-36
If you're struggling right now with being still… or confusing your identity in who you are with what you do… be encouraged. You are NOT alone. Someone told me the other day that the longer it takes to build the foundation, the wider, the deeper and the stronger it will be. Do I rush it and force building something that might last, or do I wait and let God build something on His solid foundation that will definitely last? It almost seems like a rhetorical question, because the answer is so painfully obvious. I know that in the middle of all the struggle with waiting… it's probably the only way for me to be still enough, settled enough, quiet enough, to look Him in the eye… and hear Him say "you are mine and that's all that matters". And when I hear that…. I let out a sigh from the depths of my soul and I know everything will be okay.
So Lord… seriously… thank you.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Hunting and Soaring
You know how I have mentioned the hawk who lives in the valley below my shack? Well, the other day I was watching him flying around again, but this time he wasn't hunting for food. He caught a wind current and was making huge circles up and up and up into the sky. He actually got so high I could hardly see him! I couldn't help but think how much fun he was having! This particular moment was definitely not about hunting. It was about enjoying being able to fly!
Sometimes we feel like we're so caught up in the "hunt" that we forget there's a whole other part to our lives… a part for fun and pleasure… enjoying the fact that we have "wings" and can fly - simply for the joy of flying!
I don't know about you… but today… I'm gonna fly for a while, just because.
Sometimes we feel like we're so caught up in the "hunt" that we forget there's a whole other part to our lives… a part for fun and pleasure… enjoying the fact that we have "wings" and can fly - simply for the joy of flying!
I don't know about you… but today… I'm gonna fly for a while, just because.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Weddings, marriage, and some other gushy stuff
I was thinking today about marriage - mainly weddings. My wedding to be specific. Now don't get all excited - I am announcing NOTHING. But I thought I'd share my ponderings with you today just because. Well, why NOT? This is a blog - right?
In the last couple years I feel like I've been more "ready" to get married than ever before IN MY LIFE. The funny thing is, I also feel like there's a narrow window of opportunity, if you will, and if I don't meet someone in this window, I'll move on and that will be that. It's kind of an odd thought/feeling really. But, if you know me at all, you'll know that I've never been one of "those girls" who HAD to be married or life was just a disaster. Not at all. In fact, the feeling of really WANTING to be married is kinda new in some ways. I have always looked at it more as potentially a huge benefit to my ministry calling if anything - someone to share all that with, etc. Well, that, and of course someone to watch my stuff in the airport when I need to go to the bathroom, or wander the shops. But I guess the part about the threat of not being on the same page once you ARE married still freaks me out a bit, and makes me think - nope! I'm good to go just like I am thanks!! ha. When I think about how great it COULD be though if you ARE on the same page, going in the same direction… then I'm like - okay. I'm up for that! :) I guess ultimately it doesn't matter what I'm up for though, or where I'm at with it all… God will either bring someone along or not. Plain and simple. My thinking has been more like… okay God. If that's what you WANT, then I just want to let you know I'm good with that. Well, as long as he's not shorter than I am. EEK.
So I was having some time with the Lord this morning, and was thinking about the whole marriage deal - and how that analogy is used so much in the Bible when describing our relationship with Jesus. That got me thinking about all the crazy stuff going on in the world… flooding in Australia, earthquakes in Christchurch, bizarre over the top snow and winter stuff in the USA, shootings in Arizona, and wherever it just was that kid shot up another school and then killed himself, people STILL dying of curable diseases and lack of clean water around the world, babies being left in street gutters, 400 shacks being burnt to the ground displacing hundreds of people in a township in South Africa, (like life isn't hard enough already for them!), this next generation having the attitude of "as long as you're HONEST with me it doesn't matter who you are, or what you believe". Crazy. All of it.
The Bible says to watch and be ready when you see all these things happening because it means HE is coming back soon!! Coming back to take His bride… those of us who He has called His own. The culmination of a waiting period that in our limited view has been the waiting of MANY lifetimes. So I thought hmm. My wedding IS coming up one of these days - the final big deal wedding, where it will all be done and over with here on earth like we know it. The most extravagant and over-the-top wedding anyone has EVER seen! And I thought… am I ready?? Am I preparing myself for that day when I will be in my white flowing gown standing at the back of the church ready to walk down the aisle and meet my fiance who I love more than life itself? Or… am I freaking out, frantically trying to wipe the dirt off my face, and grab something clean to wear as I run down the street barefoot to just GET THERE? Or, worse yet, sitting on a chair in the back yard, in shorts and a tank top fiddling around with who knows what, while everyone is at the church waiting for me…without a clue today is the day? Do I want this crazy mess of life right now to just be OVER, or am I so flippin excited that I will one day soon get to be with my beloved that nothing else really matters….? Am I doing my level best to look absolutely stunning to him when he gets that first glimpse of me at the back of the church? Or am I so blah about it all that I kinda go - *yawn* Let me know when you want me. hmm.
I got excited today as we sat and talked! Excited to think about being with Jesus for all eternity!! Really, that term "all eternity" is something my finite brain can't comprehend, but I know it's a pickin long time! No more pain, no more suffering, no more loss, no more conflict, no more fear, no more inadequacy, no more need to loose weight, get fit, or deal with some bizarre incurable disease, no more pain from emotional hurt, no more victimization or abuse, no more enemies or the ultimate enemy trying to lure us into things that will destroy us inside and out, nor more tears and sadness, no more trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to DO with my life making sure I'm still in the calling God has for me, NO MORE. Gone. Poof. Done.
In the last couple years I feel like I've been more "ready" to get married than ever before IN MY LIFE. The funny thing is, I also feel like there's a narrow window of opportunity, if you will, and if I don't meet someone in this window, I'll move on and that will be that. It's kind of an odd thought/feeling really. But, if you know me at all, you'll know that I've never been one of "those girls" who HAD to be married or life was just a disaster. Not at all. In fact, the feeling of really WANTING to be married is kinda new in some ways. I have always looked at it more as potentially a huge benefit to my ministry calling if anything - someone to share all that with, etc. Well, that, and of course someone to watch my stuff in the airport when I need to go to the bathroom, or wander the shops. But I guess the part about the threat of not being on the same page once you ARE married still freaks me out a bit, and makes me think - nope! I'm good to go just like I am thanks!! ha. When I think about how great it COULD be though if you ARE on the same page, going in the same direction… then I'm like - okay. I'm up for that! :) I guess ultimately it doesn't matter what I'm up for though, or where I'm at with it all… God will either bring someone along or not. Plain and simple. My thinking has been more like… okay God. If that's what you WANT, then I just want to let you know I'm good with that. Well, as long as he's not shorter than I am. EEK.
So I was having some time with the Lord this morning, and was thinking about the whole marriage deal - and how that analogy is used so much in the Bible when describing our relationship with Jesus. That got me thinking about all the crazy stuff going on in the world… flooding in Australia, earthquakes in Christchurch, bizarre over the top snow and winter stuff in the USA, shootings in Arizona, and wherever it just was that kid shot up another school and then killed himself, people STILL dying of curable diseases and lack of clean water around the world, babies being left in street gutters, 400 shacks being burnt to the ground displacing hundreds of people in a township in South Africa, (like life isn't hard enough already for them!), this next generation having the attitude of "as long as you're HONEST with me it doesn't matter who you are, or what you believe". Crazy. All of it.
The Bible says to watch and be ready when you see all these things happening because it means HE is coming back soon!! Coming back to take His bride… those of us who He has called His own. The culmination of a waiting period that in our limited view has been the waiting of MANY lifetimes. So I thought hmm. My wedding IS coming up one of these days - the final big deal wedding, where it will all be done and over with here on earth like we know it. The most extravagant and over-the-top wedding anyone has EVER seen! And I thought… am I ready?? Am I preparing myself for that day when I will be in my white flowing gown standing at the back of the church ready to walk down the aisle and meet my fiance who I love more than life itself? Or… am I freaking out, frantically trying to wipe the dirt off my face, and grab something clean to wear as I run down the street barefoot to just GET THERE? Or, worse yet, sitting on a chair in the back yard, in shorts and a tank top fiddling around with who knows what, while everyone is at the church waiting for me…without a clue today is the day? Do I want this crazy mess of life right now to just be OVER, or am I so flippin excited that I will one day soon get to be with my beloved that nothing else really matters….? Am I doing my level best to look absolutely stunning to him when he gets that first glimpse of me at the back of the church? Or am I so blah about it all that I kinda go - *yawn* Let me know when you want me. hmm.
I got excited today as we sat and talked! Excited to think about being with Jesus for all eternity!! Really, that term "all eternity" is something my finite brain can't comprehend, but I know it's a pickin long time! No more pain, no more suffering, no more loss, no more conflict, no more fear, no more inadequacy, no more need to loose weight, get fit, or deal with some bizarre incurable disease, no more pain from emotional hurt, no more victimization or abuse, no more enemies or the ultimate enemy trying to lure us into things that will destroy us inside and out, nor more tears and sadness, no more trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to DO with my life making sure I'm still in the calling God has for me, NO MORE. Gone. Poof. Done.
Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens,
“It has come at last—
salvation and power
and the Kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters
has been thrown down to earth—
the one who accuses them
before our God day and night.
11 And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb
and by their testimony.
And they did not love their lives so much
that they were afraid to die.
12 Therefore, rejoice, O heavens!
And you who live in the heavens, rejoice!
But terror will come on the earth and the sea,
for the devil has come down to you in great anger,
knowing that he has little time.” Rev. 12:20-12
salvation and power
and the Kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters
has been thrown down to earth—
the one who accuses them
before our God day and night.
11 And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb
and by their testimony.
And they did not love their lives so much
that they were afraid to die.
12 Therefore, rejoice, O heavens!
And you who live in the heavens, rejoice!
But terror will come on the earth and the sea,
for the devil has come down to you in great anger,
knowing that he has little time.” Rev. 12:20-12
You've heard it said many times I'm sure… look around! The end is coming! Will it be in our generation? No one can say for sure. Every generation thinks it is going to happen in their lifetime. And one of these days, someone will be right! So I guess the question put to us all is - do we want to get married, and are we getting ready for that incredible day? This is our window of opportunity. Let's make the most of it.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
One week down
How's your new year so far? It's hard to believe one week is gone already! It's been an eventful one for me I guess… in that I have seen God's hand moving EVER SO SLOWLY, but moving none-the-less. Any little thing continues to give me hope. ha!
One of the answers to prayer for me is that one of my good friends is going to be moving to NZ to help me with the justice stuff I'm going to be doing this year! I'm THRILLED that God is beginning to bring people to develop this team!! I discovered something interesting about me - I love to LIVE alone, but I hate working alone. I'm so about TEAM and that's pretty much the only thing that seems to bring my brain to life - the bantering back and forth, tossing around ideas, etc. I love that!! So that's a very cool start to the new year for me!
And it looks like my days in the shack are numbered!! As it's planned right now, I'll be moving back into my adorable little flat that I used to live in here!! God is so funny - this has become a fantastic solution for everyone that I go back there for a few months! And, hopefully by the middle of the year I will have my OWN place to move into - if all goes as planned!!! The cool, and very unexpected part for me, is that all my stuff that I gave away when I left NZ is in that cute little place - so I'm getting it all back!!! Full circle!! Crazy!
I saw a video today about a doctor who felt the Lord ask him to pray over a dead man's body. The guy had just died of a heart attack. So he did pray… and the guy came back to life! You can see the video on my FB page. What struck me in the whole story was that this doctor had little to NO faith God would raise this guy from the dead… but in his obedience, he prayed anyway. It made me think about how there are so many (wrong!) people who say that it's about our faith when we pray - people don't get healed because WE don't have enough faith… or the sick person doesn't have enough faith. Well, guess what? GOD HEALS. Not us. And He heals because he wants to heal for whatever HIS reasons are. I think our piece in this is to be obedient to pray when God asks us to - like this doctor - but then the results are always and forever in God's hands - regardless of how we feel, or where our faith level is at.
So I have to keep asking myself - am I obedient to all God is asking of me today? And if I am, then I can fully rest and trust that GOD will do a work in and through my life today. I honestly believe it's as simple as that. Let's not worry so much about our faith levels…. but let's worry more about being obedient to DO whatever we are asked by God to do. And through that… our faith will grow - no doubt about it, which will push us to be even more tuned in and ready to respond in obedience to God's voice!! Fantastic circle of hope and growth and depth in God!
“What is more pleasing to the Lord:
your burnt offerings and sacrifices
or your obedience to his voice?
Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,
and submission is better than offering the fat of rams. 1Sam 15:22
Have a great rest of your week bloggers!!
One of the answers to prayer for me is that one of my good friends is going to be moving to NZ to help me with the justice stuff I'm going to be doing this year! I'm THRILLED that God is beginning to bring people to develop this team!! I discovered something interesting about me - I love to LIVE alone, but I hate working alone. I'm so about TEAM and that's pretty much the only thing that seems to bring my brain to life - the bantering back and forth, tossing around ideas, etc. I love that!! So that's a very cool start to the new year for me!
And it looks like my days in the shack are numbered!! As it's planned right now, I'll be moving back into my adorable little flat that I used to live in here!! God is so funny - this has become a fantastic solution for everyone that I go back there for a few months! And, hopefully by the middle of the year I will have my OWN place to move into - if all goes as planned!!! The cool, and very unexpected part for me, is that all my stuff that I gave away when I left NZ is in that cute little place - so I'm getting it all back!!! Full circle!! Crazy!
I saw a video today about a doctor who felt the Lord ask him to pray over a dead man's body. The guy had just died of a heart attack. So he did pray… and the guy came back to life! You can see the video on my FB page. What struck me in the whole story was that this doctor had little to NO faith God would raise this guy from the dead… but in his obedience, he prayed anyway. It made me think about how there are so many (wrong!) people who say that it's about our faith when we pray - people don't get healed because WE don't have enough faith… or the sick person doesn't have enough faith. Well, guess what? GOD HEALS. Not us. And He heals because he wants to heal for whatever HIS reasons are. I think our piece in this is to be obedient to pray when God asks us to - like this doctor - but then the results are always and forever in God's hands - regardless of how we feel, or where our faith level is at.
So I have to keep asking myself - am I obedient to all God is asking of me today? And if I am, then I can fully rest and trust that GOD will do a work in and through my life today. I honestly believe it's as simple as that. Let's not worry so much about our faith levels…. but let's worry more about being obedient to DO whatever we are asked by God to do. And through that… our faith will grow - no doubt about it, which will push us to be even more tuned in and ready to respond in obedience to God's voice!! Fantastic circle of hope and growth and depth in God!
“What is more pleasing to the Lord:
your burnt offerings and sacrifices
or your obedience to his voice?
Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,
and submission is better than offering the fat of rams. 1Sam 15:22
Have a great rest of your week bloggers!!
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