Whoa! I haven't been here since July! There are lots of reasons why… but mainly the reason is that I haven't had the headspace to actually put my thoughts together well enough to feel it was blog-worthy. Now, in all fairness, this may not be either, but I thought it was due time to get back on the blog saddle, and at least get some of these cobwebs in my head cleared out. My mind has been reeling lately with stuff. Good stuff, hard stuff, confusing stuff, and downright challenging stuff. So I thought it was time to include you in that "space". Enter at your own risk. :)
Oh. Here's the other thing. So my blog was going to be ministry updates, but I decided to NOT do that here anymore. I started this blog a long time ago because I'm an external processor and I wanted a place to process - especially a place where people could actually talk back to me if they wanted to. So far there hasn't been a lot of talk back… but that's okay. The benefit of an external processor is that we really don't NEED anyone to talk back… we just like to talk. That's the truth. EPs - correct me if I'm wrong. So I'm going back to what I intended this for - processing. And I would REALLY love for you to join me. I've readjusted all the settings so you should be able to comment right here. If you can't I guess you can comment on FB, because I'll be posting these rambles there as well. But please know that you have an open invitation to come along for the ride, and let me know what you think if you want.
Okay! Having said that… let's get to what I have been thinking about recently. I posted something the other day on FB saying I needed more love in my life because my frail and shallow love doesn't always cover a "multitude of sins" as God has said it should. Especially when people are idiots. A comment was made to me later that day about how I say things that people only WANT to say but don't. We had a good laugh about that, because I guess it's true… but then I thought deeper about it and wondered why that is? Are we all too PC or cool, or considerate to not really say the things we are thinking sometimes? Or… are we hiding behind false masks that make us look like we have it all together and are the most lovely people around, when in reality, if someone recorded our thoughts and played them on the nightly news we would be mortified at how much of that was anything BUT godly love? hmm. Now, don't get me wrong - having gotten in trouble most of my life for saying things I shouldn't… I completely understand the need for "filters". Absolutely! It's been a life-long journey for me to keep my mouth SHUT at times when I have a whole lot I'd like to say. So yeah - I know that is necessary. But I'm not talking about being considerate and wise… I'm talking about faking it because we want to seem loving. Is anybody with me on this one?
One of my friend's husbands is an internal processor. He has said many times over the years that I would have to say "I'm sorry" a whole lot less if I just thought before I spoke. And he is absolutely right! (I'm working on that.) But I noticed there was an air of superiority in what was said that really rubbed me the wrong way. And again - correct me if I'm wrong here - but I would say MOST if not all internal processors feel like they are somehow superior to externals for that very reason. But here are two things I have found very interesting over the years in dealing with IPs. Not only does it seem that they feel there is some sort of superiority because they "think before they talk" it also seems that it is incredibly hard for them to actually apologize when they do something hurtful or wrong. And here's the truth of this whole deal… the bible says that if you think it - you've done it. You can be as internal as you want, but if you are holding bitterness and anger and resentment in your heart - it doesn't matter if it comes out of your mouth or not. You are guilty of those sins. Same as someone who might verbally express that anger or frustration. We ALL have sinned… and fallen short of God's glory - right? Well, that's what my bible says anyway.
I'm certainly not saying we should all start blurting out every negative thought or feeling we have in our hearts. Please don't. I'm not sure I can take all that would be thrown at me if that happened. haha! But… can we at least agree to be REAL about where we're at? Can we stop thinking that if we just think it, it's not as bad as it is if we say it? Both things, said or thought, in anger or frustration breaks God's heart the same way. Deal with your stuff. Be real. You think you're the only one who wants to flip off the person who cuts you off when you're driving? Come on… you know you're not! So admit it -- and then -- work on doing what Jesus asked us to do, and respond in love. Now that's a tall order, especially in the context of driving. I am sitting here feeling convicted as I type. ;)
The point is, and the desire of God's heart is that we would all be "… filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith." I Tim 1:5
I've got a lot to work on. How about you?
Hey Patty girl,
ReplyDeleteFrom one external processor to another I totally hear what you're saying and both agree and kind of disagree. I like to feel good about being real with people and telling it as it is... That what you see if what you get.. but I've been challenged lately by promptings about "what" I say and "when" and "if". I have been telling my self that when I tell someone something I think is a truth, that might be good for them to hear, God's pointed out that my opinion is my opinion and that pride can easily slip in. While I totally believe it is right to be real and not fake I also have been challenged by so many of the proverbs that speak about the folly of spouting off at the mouth (my words obviously!!)So while I agree about being real, and that it's about attitudes of the heart, there is also something to be said about exercising wisdom and sometimes restraint. So I kind of can't help but admire I.P'ers restraint.... It is a battle I have been working through, this controlling my mouth. In fact yesterday I read a quote from Mark Twain that said "it takes 2 years to learn to talk and the rest of your life to control you mouth." But I guess if we live by the Psalmists words "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord" we can't go wrong! xxxx Miss you a tonne, reading your blog made me want to grab a coffee sit and have a good debate! :) xx
Haha! Hey friend!! Well, as much as I would LOVE to have a good debate with you over coffee… it may need to be another time over another issue - because I fully agree with you on this one, so there wouldn't be any debate to be had! I thought I kinda said what you said… but maybe it didn't come across that way. Oops. So yes! I agree -- wisdom and restraint are HUGE necessities and need to be exercised regularly. My point was just that people think because they don't SAY it, they are somehow exempt from the "sin" of the attitude. Um - no. That's all. Great verse though - and YES YES YES!! We are totally on the same page. Next topic will be coming soon… so maybe we can debate that one. ;) Love you! Thanks for commenting!! xxxx
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ReplyDeleteHey Patty, great blog. My husband and I are different processors to each other - he is Internal and I am external. Many times I have wanted to express my opinion and talk about stuff and he doesn't get it, doesn't get my need to talk (sometimes repeating myself which he find even more annoying!!) and I just dont get it, get how he cant or want talk to me about his thoughts and feelings. Sometimes he has an unguarded moment where he lets me in and I have learnt to cherish those times. On the flip side I am more compassionate and pad stuff with cotton wool where as he can be like a "bull in a china shop". There is a definite need for wisdom and restraint but also sometimes truth needs to be told. I think we also need to be careful of "telling the truth - in love" because actually it could just be our perspective and opinion, where we've been hurt rather than a 'truth'. My mother-in-law once said to me that there is wisdom in knowing when to say something to someone and also when not to say something and I try to live by that.
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